Serious Jack and the Beanstalk

Once upon a time there lived a poor boy named Jack who sold his cow for "magic" beans. He planted them and only regular beans came up. It was an obvious scam that Jack was suckered in to. The End.

Let's say they were somehow magic.

Then a huge beanstalk came up and Jack decided to climb it. It went all the way up to the clouds. He jumped onto the clouds and fell threw them. He had a 500 mile drop and died. His neighbors found what was left of him in a crater.The End.

Let's say somehow the clouds were solid.

Then Jack hopped onto the clouds and walked to a castle. He couldn't open the doors because they were so huge and the handle was 75 feet high, so he gave up and went back to his house. The End.

Let's say he managed to open the doors.

Then he opened the castle doors and walked in the castle (trespassing.) Turns out the castle is filled with gold and there is a goose and a harp. But all the stuff weighs too much so Jack leaves empty handed. The End.

Let's say all the stuff was light or Jack's size so he could steal it.

Then Jack grabbed as much stuff as possible (stealing.) This made the Giant who owned the castle mad. So the Giant chased Jack. Jack ran until he got to the beanstalk. He started climb down but the Giant ripped the beanstalk out the ground and squished Jack. The End.

Let's say that for some reason the Giant didn't do this.

Then Jack climbed down the beanstalk and started to chop the beanstalk down. Too bad the Giant came down before he did and crushed him. The End.

Let's say he chopped down the beanstalk before the Giant got down.

Then the beanstalk fell and crushed Jack. The End.

Let's say it didn't land on Jack.

Then the beanstalk fell and crushed 247 people and 53 houses. Right before Jack was able to say "Ooops!" the giant fell. This caused an earthquake and the rest of the houses were destroyed. The surviving villagers kill Jack. The End.

Let's say that no people or houses were crushed.

Then the Beanstalk and the giant fell down. The Giant died (murder.) Jack was rich and lived happily ever after. The End.





Now you can see that Jack is a true hero (trespassing, stealing, murder) and that this story maybe could happen (it only ended badly eight times out of nine.)


Dylan Giles.